What made you stop being an addict?

So I'm still hanging on this lie.

I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔

Just keep trying

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It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.

I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

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I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

What is something brutally honest that needs to be said?

Now how do you quit your addiction?

Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

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I did it in my administrator's office.

I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

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And I DID IT EVERYDAY

All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

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No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

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I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

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Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

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I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

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There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

Read that again ☝️

I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

What does it mean when someone leaves something in your house, your room to be exact, and when you tell them, they say they left it there on purpose?

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.

I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

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This was February 2019.

I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.

RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

And I can also talk to them now.

So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.